Friday, October 21, 2011

Feminine Hygene Products by Comrade Jager

When I was a kid my Mom would give me a note for the clerk at the grocery store. I'd hand it to him, get my 12 ounce Pepsi. In a few minutes he would he would be back with a box wrapped in plain brown paper, I'd hand him the money, finish my Pepsi, put the box under my arm and pedal home on my bike.
If I saw anybody I knew or didn't know, they would yell shit at me, like, "hey your mama's on the rag", "somebody's riding the cotton pony" or "there goes the Kotex Kid".

All that started when I was 8. I now have decades of experience in handling and transporting feminine hygene products. From those early years of trying to smuggle a large boxes of Modess through enemy lines with adolescent terrorists on my tail to being awakened at 3 in the morning with, "Honey, I hate to ask you this, but could you run and get me some Tampax at the drugstore?"

I had two daughters and a wife operating on menstrual cycles that were just far enough apart that I was constantly on the road buying supplies. The three of them along with a female dog and cat had me out numbered and I was swimming in a sea of estrogen.

I've purchased untold thousands of dollars worth of sanitary products over the years, I've been in line, boxes of tampons and panty liners in my hands in food stores, drug stores, country markets, national and state parks, marinas, convenience stores and gas stations. I've even purchased Tampax from a vending machine at a hotel (it was next to the tooth paste and just below the Mr. Goodbar) once again roused from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to make the buy.

I've pretty much solved the problem since joining Costco, I buy Tampax by the case, a huge carton filled with more cartons and inside those cartons are the individual boxes. One case lasts about 14 months. Problem solved, but not quite, because tonight Jan was in the bathroom that isn't suppled with "product" and I heard "Honey, could you run upstairs and get me a tampon". Once again the Kotex Kid was on the move!


  1. The first time I ever bought pads/tampons was in a little convenience store at a campground outside of Barcelona, Spain. I was 14 traveling with my best friend's family... Figuring out what to buy was almost as embarrassing as not speaking Spanish or knowing the currency very well, but... I really wanted to swim in the ocean and escape the 100+ heat, so I needed those tampons!

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