Thursday, July 11, 2013

"Deep in the Heart of Texas"

Greg Abbot is the Texas Attorney General and since Rick Perry announced that he isn’t going to run again, Abbot is the Republican front runner and is he is a Texas sized asshole!

Exhibit 1.

Abbot brags “I go into the office in the morning, sue President Obama and then I go home.”

He’s a horse shit lawyer, he’s sued the feds 27 times and won 5 times, costing Texans millions and millions in court fees.

Exhibit 2.

Abbot had a tree fall on him in 2004, he sued and won 10 million dollars. He is in a wheelchair for life. Immediately after he won his judgment, he led a fight in Texas for Tort Reform (from his wheelchair) to lower settlements like the one he won in court. If the fucking tree fell on him today, the maximum he’d get is $250,000.

Exhibit 3.

Abbot is now suing the feds over the Americans with Disabilities Act. (Championed by Bob Dole and signed into law by George H. W. Bush) It’s the law that makes public buildings handicapped accessible, prevents discriminatory hiring practices, etc. Abbot must have a magic flying wheelchair (or plenty of burly Teas Rangers to haul his ass around) that doesn’t need curb cuts, he doesn’t need handicapped urinals to piss in or since I’m sure as Attorney General and probably down the road as Governor he’ll have drivers so he won’t need to worry about handicapped parking spots.

Sick bastard.

I think we’d be much better off, as Rick Perry once hinted, if Texas would just secede from the Union. Then we could take all our military bases, the Johnson Space Center, cut them out of FAA airport controls and every other piece of the federal government that they obviously despise and then move that border fence to the Oklahoma border. Maybe we’d get really lucky and Oklahoma would join Texas.

Best part is Texas college football teams would have to play themselves, over and over and over.

As my old friend JB, a true “blue” Texan says, “The Republicans in Texas have turned the state into Mississippi with good roads and if they fuck up the schools any more than they have, smart parents will be sending their kids to school in Nuevo Laredo.”