Interested in having a bad night? It's easy.
1. Drink two Jack Daniels, rocks with a splash.
2. Make a really spicy, home made pizza.
3. Wash the pizza down with a half a bottle of Zinfandel.
4. Go to bed and sleep on your right side.
5. Wake up at 2:45 with a reoccurrence of your adhesive capsulitis caused by sleeping on your right shoulder.
6. After waking up from the shoulder pain, realize you also have massive stomach acid from the spicy hot pizza and the red wine.
7. Stumble down to the kitchen, crush two tums, wash them down with a glass of milk.
8. Put another tum in your mouth and suck on it while you let the dog out to pee.
9. While the dog pees and you exercise your shoulder, you freeze your ass off standing on the porch in a t-shirt and underwear.
10. Go back to bed. Your cold leg accidently touches your wife's warm leg.
11. Wife gets pissed and groans something, you don't understand it but it sounds nasty and mean.
12. A half hour goes by, stomach begins to settle down, shoulder still hurts.
13. After an hour, still awake, you notice the stomach acid has battled back against the antacid.
14. Get up again, now wise to the temperature, put on a sweat shirt, sweat pants and socks. Head back downstairs.
15. More antacid, more water, the dog pees, you pee.
16. Wide awake at 4 in the morning, sneak back upstairs, grab your Kindle and make a bed on the sofa.
17. Wife comes downstairs and asks if you're okay.
18. You tell her absolutely not.
19. Wife gives you a kiss on the forehead and goes back to bed.
20. Read a chapter and half, fall asleep and wake up at 7:50, fresh as a lily on Easter morning.