Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Two guys from Boston start “tawkin”…

I haven’t done a post like this for a while.

I greeted a guy at work last week. He was on a mission to find a used 9 passenger SUV, 4 wheel drive. This guy was driving a Bentley and had a heavy Boston accent. He was wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, baggy cargo shorts and a Bentley ball cap. He looked a little like Michael Moore. We talked for a few minutes and I said, “You’re from Boston, right?”

“You got that right, pal.”

I told him I’d spent most of my life in Boston, instantly he switched in to full Boston mode. Examples:

“Fuckin Sox man, you believe how fucking tight the AL East is…Jesus.”

“Me and my cousin Billy come out here in the early 70’s to fuck around and I never went back, that rat bastid left and went back to Dorchestah afta a month or two, me I got a fuckin job inna gas station in Brentwood and just fuckin stayed, know what I mean?”

“I own that station now, gotta deli in the son of bitch, ‘nother one in Beverley Hills, Moorpark, 8 of the fuckahs. Don’t make any god damn money on gas, make it sellin other shit and cah washes.”

“The old lady and I just bought a place up in Montana, need the 9 passenger son of bitch to leave up at the airport, there in Missoula, just paak the piece of shit in my hanger, when we aint theyah. Load the fuckin grandkids innit and drive uptah our place. Fucking snow up the ass in the wintah. Evah been theyah?”

“Evah go tah Nantucket before them rich fucks from New York fucked it all up? It was fuckin paradise befoah they fuckin bought the whole fuckin place, bunch of assholes.”

“Know something, Bawbby? (I became Bwabby instantly) Ida nevah come out here if fuckin Jimmy Catah hadn’t gotten rid of the fuckin draft, Ida been in the fucking jungle, know what I mean?”

“I got this Bentley for the old lady, she don’t like the fuckin thing, make her feel guilty for some goddamn reason, I think the fuckin nuns got to her.”

“Belichik is kinda an asshole, but I love the fuckin guy.”

“I hate the fuckin Jets.”

“Know what I miss? A decent bowl of clam chowdah. Can’t get that shit out heah.”

“Fuckin Mexicans work theyah asses off, good fuckin people, got two of the fuckahs running stations foah me, got my eye onna another couple of the bastids, honest and smaat little bastids.”

“I worked haad, but I got lucky, know what I mean?”

“Grew up withoutta pot tah piss in, now I aint got enough piss foah all ah pots.”

“The old lady said to me, “Yah know I liked it bettah when we had that little house when we first was married, now there’s too much shit to keep track of.” I told her I’d sell it all and buy her a triple deckah in Dorchestah, buy her a rusty fuckin Toyota if that’s what she wants. She passed on my offah.”

And that ain’t the half of it…now if I had the right cah, I’d call the fat pant bastid up and sell it to him.


  1. Unfucking believable Bobby I felt just like I was in the Back Bay with you as I read it. Great work. geo

  2. What a character! You nailed it. Hope you make a sale too.