I broke my spare contact lens this morning. I only wear one because after my cornea transplant, the graft has to be "flattened" or I have hellacious astigmatism. Jan was worried I'd have a problem driving to the office.
From Jan:
Did you make it okay?
From me:
Other than rolling the car at the intersection of TO Blvd and Westlake, yes.
From Jan:
What?
From me:
I didn't see the old lady and her walker in the crosswalk and had to swerve to miss her, apparently I was going too fast and tipped the Jeep over in the intersection. Without my lens I have no idea how fast I was going because I can't read the speedometer without it.
From Jan:
You're kidding me, right?
From me:
Absolutely not, I was lucky I got out before the Shell Oil tanker truck hit the Jeep and everything burst into flames.
From Jan:
I don't believe you
From me:
Oh yeah, step out on the patio you can see the smoke from the tanker fire, it's still burning.
From Jan:
You lie.
From me:
Not me, it all happened an hour ago. I told the cops the old lady ran out in front of me and I had no choice but to avoid her, good thing she's only a little shaken up or they might have questioned me longer and in more detail. Good thing I'm quick witted, huh? I already called the insurance company and got a rental. The agent said we should have a new Jeep by the end of the week. Do you want another black one? BTW, that homeless guy that stands on the corner stole her walker so my story made sense to the cops.
From Jan:
You're crazy.
From me:
Maybe so, but I'm lucky.
From Jan:
Pack sand, you jerk.
From me:
See you at 6 or so, Luv you.
It reads back as a great running gag.
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