CHP Punked

 

Being a cop is a tough job on the other hand it pays really well in California and the retirement is terrific. Being a cop, tough as it is doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to follow the rules. Ever since we’ve lived here I’ve bought gas and coffee at the same gas station/car wash/convenience store. They have a nice, little deli-café inside and serve my favorite Peet’s coffee. It’s a daily stop of our area Sheriffs Deputies and California Highway Patrol officers. About 5 of them are regulars and 4 of the five are good guys, one is an asshole. He is a CHP patrolman. He’s what gym operators call a “lightbulb”. His arms are huge, so are his shoulders and chest. He does nothing but upper body workouts because he has no ass and his legs are matchsticks. A lot of cops seem to favor this look.

I generally shoot the shit with the cops. We see each other all the time, know each other by name and we get along. Nobody gets along with the “lightbulb” because not only is he an asshole to civilians, he’s the same way with his fellow cops.

One morning I was waiting at the light. I saw “lightbulb” blow a red light by the skin of his ass, stop in traffic to make a left hand turn across a double yellow into the gas station, he grew impatient and hit his lights and his whooper siren to stop traffic so he could make his illegal left and pull into the gas station, he parked his cruiser and sauntered into the store to lean on the counter by the coffee maker and scowl at the customers. I came in to buy coffee and a bagel, while I was getting my coffee, I asked him if it did any good to call the special number to report traffic violations 1-800-call-aCHP. “Lightbulb” said “it depends what it is and if there is an officer in the area. What did you see?” I told him, “Red light violation, illegal left hand turn.” He asked if I got the plate number. I said, “I did, a blue plate, Official Vehicle.” I gave him the number. His face got red and he took a step toward me and said, “What are you, a fucking asshole? You better not fuck with me.” Suddenly he stepped back, picked up his coffee and walked out. I was relieved since I thought he was ready to tase me. I watched him march out without paying and then I looked around and saw a CHP Sgt. getting coffee. The Sgt. said ‘what was that all about?” I told him and he said, “Don’t worry about it. Everybody knows he’s an asshole. I’ll talk to him.”

I don’t see him at the station anymore, maybe he got transferred to another part of the district.