Carrie and I buy a car...

Carrie Fisher and I are walking down the street, We're holding hands, we've been walking for a long time.

"Jesus, I'm tired of walking, we need to buy a car to get around." Carrie says. "Walking is good for us, but this is insanity."

"What do you want to get?"

"My Mom had a Thunderbird when I was a little girl, I loved that car."

"Maybe we can find one, keep walking."

In an hour or so, including a stop for coffee and a donut, we realize we're in North Hollywood. Strip Malls, body shops, recycling centers, manicure shops and tacky bars line the streets, finally we see a used car lot and damned if they don't have a white 55 Thunderbird up on a display lift. Carrie is so excited she wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a movie star kiss. Carrie is sweaty from all our walking, so am I, but it doesn't matter. A guy with a neck tattoo, sticks his head out of the window of his 4x4 Tacoma, honks his horn at us and yells "Take it to a fucking motel you assholes!" We were kissing in the crosswalk and he had the green. Carrie says, "Good idea." I nod my approval and we jaywalk to a drive up to the door motel called The Loveland and check in.

3 hours later, moony eyed, but refreshed we step onto "Nick the Greek's Only the Finest Pre-Owned Automobiles" lot. Out of nowhere Nick appears, he's short, wrinkled, he's wearing a polo shirt that's is at least 2 sizes too small. White chest hair is sticking out of the neck of the shirt. He has garlic breath because he just finished a lamb Gyro, his hand shake is greasy. Carrie is repulsed by his greasy shake, she sticks her hand into the open window of a customer's tan Camry and wipes her hand on the headrest. I maneuver around so I can put my hand on Nick's shoulder in a gesture of confidence and friendship. I wipe my hand on the shoulder of his maroon polo.

"We'd like to take a look at the 55 T-Bird."

Nick doesn't respond, he's checking out Carrie's boobs.

"Excuse me, I said we'd like to look at the T-Bird."

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" Nick says. His eyes still on Carrie's boobs.

"No." Carrie says.

"You look familiar to me I swear to god I know you."

"Not a chance,"

Nick shrugs and says, "Okay. Let me get it down off the lift. Hey, Alonzo, get that fucking Bird off the lift, we got a couple of hot ones, they want to look at it." An old Mexican guy in a worn, white stained mechanic's jumpsuit comes out of a two stall shop, The name tag on the suit says Alberto. Alonzo is wiping his hands on a greasy rag. He's wearing knee high black rubber boots. It took awhile, but he got the T-Bird on the ground. It won't start. He heads back to the shop for a jumper cart. Nick looks nervous.

"It's a shit box Carrie, let's go."

"No, no, it looks like the one my Mom used to have."

Nick turns to me, "She likes the car, you say her name is Carrie?"

"Connie, dammit." Carrie says. "My name is Connie, you fat Greek shit!"

Carrie likes to move around town incognito, can you blame her?

An hour later we drive off Nick's lot in the T-Bird. Carrie is driving. I notice we leave a faint trail of blue smoke every time she steps on the gas, same thing when she lets off. The valve train is noisy and it has slight rod knock. It pulls to the left when she hits the brakes. All that matters to me is Carrie is really happy.

"I'm so fucking happy honey, we have a car and we don't have to walk everywhere. LA sucks when you have to walk all the time."

"You hungry?"

"Starved." Carrie whips into In 'N Out. We order to go. We get two Animal style, we share fries and a large strawberry shake On the way out, Carrie drives over the curb, I hear a clunk.

"Stop the car baby, I need to see what that sound was." She pulls to the curb. I look at the car and get back in. I have to slam the door twice to get it to close.

"What happened?"

"A chunk of bondo fell off the right rear quarter panel. You know this car used to be red?"

"What?"

"Never mind, just drive."

"Let's show our new car to my Mom, she'll be so excited, she'll pee her pants."

"How would you know, she wears those new Depends, doesn't she?  Are you going to eat all  the fries or are you going to share them?"

Carrie is driving with her knee as we get on the 101, she hands me the shake and the fries. A napkin blows out of the car as she does, we get passed by an asshole driving a silver Audi in 3rd gear, the napkin is stuck in his wiper, he gives Carrie the finger, she flips him back. Carrie turns to me and says with a smile,"Don't you be a pig baby and eat them all." She turns on the radio, LA Woman by the Doors is on, Carrie turns it up, the right hand, aftermarket speaker goes to hell when she does, she starts banging on the dash.

"Get your hands back on the wheel, I'll feed you fries sweetheart and stay in your damn lane." The Doors sound like shit on one channel.

I feed Carrie fries and hold the strawberry shake so she can suck on the straw while she drives, we get off 101 at Desoto and take a right on Roscoe. We stop in front of an old two story apartment building, it's a fake Spanish with tiny decks in front of the sliding glass doors of each apartment. The decks are so small, two little chairs take up all the space and the wrought iron railings are rusty and peeling. The door buzzer doesn't work. Carrie suggests I toss the rest of the shake at her Mom's window to get her attention. My arm isn't as good as it used be, but I hit the slider dead center. The strawberry shake looks like modern art as it slides down the glass. Carrie's mom sticks her head out, looks around, she wearing a multi-colored, flowing caftan and has a scarf around her head, The music from her apartment is really loud.

"Carrie, what's that music your Mom is playing?"

"Some bullshit from the "The Unsinkable Molly Brown" last month it was the soundtrack from "Tammy",  God I hated that shit when I was a kid. Come to think about it, I still hate it!"

Debbie finally notices us standing on the sidewalk and says she'll buzz us in. We have to wait at the door until someone comes out so we can get in the building. We waited around 10 minutes until an old man with a shirt, tie, coat and no pants comes out."Carrie, remind your Mom the door buzzer doesn't work" I said as we went through the door. "At least the guy had fresh boxers on."

"I've been telling her that for months." We got in the elevator for the short trip to the 2nd floor. It doesn't take long, seems longer though because the elevator smells like cat pee. Carrie and I take a right out of the elevator, walk to the end of the hall. Carrie says, "Fuck! Mom's place is in the other direction!" We turn around and head back. One of the apartments has yellow police tape crisscrossed over the door.

"Is that where Durst lived?"

"Uh huh, Mom says he was one weird bastard."

We get to Carrie's mother's door, we both beat on it so Debbie can hear us over the music, Carrie kicks the door and hurts her foot, she's hopping around when Debbie opens the door and says, "Where the hell have you two kids been? I've been waiting forever."

More to come, maybe...