Old man take a look at your life...

It seems appropriate to revisit this post from 2017.


When I was a young (26) manager in the radio business we had a Junior Achievement program at the station. I ran some of the sessions with the 12 kids in the program. There was one girl, 17 years old, who was incredibly attractive and sexy beyond her years. A few weeks after the program ended, she showed up at my office one afternoon with a Thank You card and a small gift. She came around the side of my desk while I was looking at the card and the gift and laid a wet kiss with plenty of tongue on me. I didn't return the kiss, I was shocked. Then she said "we should go out sometime," I told her no we shouldn't.

Later in life, I told a woman I knew quite well about the incident, she agreed that I did the right thing and added, "Of course if you had taken advantage of her, you would have never told me about it." At first, I was insulted at her response, but the more I thought about it she was right. Then I told my friend for the longest time I had wondered who was taking advantage of whom. She thought about for a bit and said, "Doesn't matter you were the adult in the room."

I know a guy who lost his wife over an affair with their teenaged neighbor. He was in his 30's, the relationship started when she was 16 and lasted for two years. He cultivated her for a year before the physical stuff started. He seemed to be extremely proud of it. On the surface, he appeared to be completely normal and a bit of a little fuddy-duddy harmless guy. He wasn't.

Another guy told me about being seduced by a mutual friend's wife, they carried on the mutual affair for a year or so. One night while having dinner with the wife and her husband in New York, the husband told the guy how much he enjoyed watching him make love to his wife. The husband had watched through a louvered closet door. He then proposed a threesome. I was stunned. I really couldn't believe it. Did the threesome happen? It did, more than once.

When I was single, living in Boston I used to play wingman for a lipstick lesbian friend. She was a very attractive woman and some of the lines guys used on her made me ashamed to be a man, some were clumsy, some were funny, some were stupid and more than a few were out and out threatening. That was an experience.

Another friend's son came out of the closet when he was a senior in high school. His parents were devastated, then they were mad, then they blamed themselves. When they finally came to their senses, I suggested they have their son talk to a really good man I knew who happened to be gay. Know what the older gay man told the kid? Stay the hell away from older gay men. Find some friends your age, hang out, go to movies, shoot hoops, play pool, arrange flowers, have some fun until you figure out who the hell you are. Just stay away from old guys looking for "chickens". Good advice if you're gay or straight.

I know plenty of men and women who've had affairs, some of them have repaired their relationships, some haven't. The one thing that got them all, in the end, was the lying. Lying to their partners and to themselves. The couples who put it back together stopped lying, the couples who didn't break up.

Life is full of bullshit, when I was in college I was sleeping with a girl who would always say, "we have to stop doing this." Right after she'd say it, she'd start things going again. I hope she has been able to unload that psychological burden after all these years.

What I cannot imagine is what goes on in the mind of a guy who thinks to force a woman to kiss him, or exposing himself or masturbating in front of them or groping them is going to get him. I read somewhere it's not about sex it's about power.

I could write a book about this stuff, but I won't. Thanks to Neil Young for the title.

No Trumpets before 9 AM

 1.

On a warm and sunny day in Southern California, a man is sitting at a table, across from him is an earnest young woman with a tape recorder. It begins

“I have no idea why anyone would be interested in any of this or what I think about what’s happened to the radio business.”

“You spent most of your life in it, your opinions and thoughts matter. They’re a part of the history of the business. You were there at the beginning, as a participant.” She said.

“I wasn’t there at the beginning, when I showed up and got involved it was a few years after it began, So I wasn't a pioneer, that’s for damn sure." The man lighted a cigarette, an American Spirit Yellow.

"The opportunity for change was there, the big guys, the smart money, just couldn’t see it. Think of it this way, the fire was ready to burn and a few of us showed up with the matches, all you had to do was strike one and light the kindling. The smart guys didn’t even think the stack of wood would burn, to the point of denying that it was even burning, after it started. Some couldn't even feel the heat.”

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“It was obvious at the time FM would work, there were beautiful music stations on FM all over the country generating huge listening audiences, some of the money men and the smart guys, the big companies, owned the damn things, who knows what they were thinking? A company has a facility. Let’s say in San Francisco, the fucking thing is number one or two in the market. At that point in time, almost nobody owns an FM receiver, but somehow the station is generating a huge audience. I used to wonder what the hell went on in the board meetings. I had dinner one night with the father of beautiful music, the guy they were paying to create the programming. I asked him, you know what he said?”

“I haven’t a clue.” She said.

“He said nothing, he just shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t know either."

“So what happened?”

“The music changed for one thing, that was the catalyst. The music needed an outlet. It sure as hell wasn’t going to get it on sixties era Top 40. Stations at the time tried to play an edited version of “Like a Rolling Stone” by Bob Dylan. The listeners revolted and forced them to play the song unedited, all 5 minutes and 56 seconds of it. That happened in the mid 60’s and it was a big deal in an era of record companies editing songs down just for radio, shit they used to cut old Beach Boys songs to under 2 minutes. I can’t remember which of the Beach Boys songs it was, whatever it was, I think the original was 2 minutes 36 seconds long. They cut it to 1:56." The man took a long drag on his cigarette, blew the smoke up in the warm air. 

"Capitol actually put out radio only albums called “short cuts”. Really, really stupid and the listeners wouldn’t put up with it anymore. The people running the radio stations at that time couldn’t understand what was happening. Actually, the silly bastards didn’t want to understand, they couldn’t get their heads around the fact things were changing, that they could no longer dictate musical tastes or control it anymore. Neither did the record companies."

"Our generation certainly wasn’t having or taking it anymore. There had to be a medium where what the listener could hear what they wanted to hear, demanded to hear. The un-loved, underutilized step child FM signals were the solution. Somebody once called them, the funny little stations down the hall.”

“Only took about 5 years for them to stop laughing. A few of them never got it.”

“Want another cup of coffee?” The man asked.

The woman nodded, yes.

Sir Michael Phillip Jagger

Today is Mick Jagger's 69th birthday. I've been a fan of the Stones since the first record. I've seen them around 14 times in concert. My favorite Stones record is "Stripped". I love the sound of the CD, on it the Stones sound like what they are, "The World's Greatest Rock and Roll Band." I like Exile on Main Street, Sticky Fingers, Beggar's Banquet, Let It Bleed...hell, I like them all and I don't get tired of them either.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ULitGKV3pJ8#t=8s

Over the years Mick and his mates have had quite a few falling outs, arguments and have gone years without speaking.  Through all that for 50 years they have continued to rock. Not a bad record for English kids whose only goal was to be the "Best Band in London".

Stones songs have been markers in my life. I had a terrible break up with a long time girlfriend in college, the number one song at the time, "Paint it Black"!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=jUGUcqf1RIY

Later, in between marriages, I had another falling out with a woman, I got in the car, punched the button for the classic rock station and the first song I heard was "Bitch".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=jqx07NJNdpU

When my daughters were little kids I'd crank up the stereo (audio system?) at home and put Stone's vinyl on the turn table and they'd dance their little butts off to Brown Sugar, Street Fightin Man and many more Stone's tunes. I can see them dancing around the family room when I hear those songs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=_TuYrDBp7Bc

When Kristen, my oldest kid was in college she and her friends saw the Stones in San Diego, her friends asked her how she knew all the words, she told them, "My Dad!"

The Stones changed the concert business, in fact they turned the economics of it upside down. The promoters used to get all the money for a live show. Now thanks to the Stones, the performers get most of it. As Boston concert promoter Don Law once said, "Mick Jagger didn't go to the London School of Economics for nothing!"

Keith Richards (my favorite Stone) wrote in his biography "Life", when the Stones were a young band they toured England and Scotland as the opening act for James Brown and the Famous Flames. After a couple of weeks JB invited them to an after concert party. Keith said Brown was sending a band member out for food, another for drinks and another was shining his shoes. Keith said, "I was appalled and Mick was enthralled." When the Queen gave the band MBE's Mick was excited, Keith turned his down. The Queen made Mick a "Sir" and she didn't bother to offer a title to Keith. They may not like each other as they once did but when they are together they sure as hell still rock and that' good enough for this old, cranky Stones fan.

This tune is still their best....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ctrC9FtkmYA

Happy Birthday Sir Micheal and you know what? I'll always be younger than you are!

The Future in One Picture

My former son in law, Darrell Forde scanned some pictures of my grandchildren and posted them on Facebook. I thought this one was particularily good. It was taken around 7 or 8 years ago, how time flies.

Nova, on the left, if he has his druthers, will be a world famous free climber. I expect him to be on the face of El Capitan in a few years breaking the record for the fastest climb. Lucrative sponsorships will follow and a free climb of Fitzroy in Patagonia (never been done) then he'll conquer other challenges. Until then if he can simply turn in his reading lists his mother will be happy. He reads all the time and told his mom, "the teachers all ready know I read alot of books." I suggested that a good lesson is "the jobs not done until the paperwork is done!" When he gets back to Santa Cruz after spending time with his other grandparents, he's off to Survival Camp.

Sophia just finished her Junior year at UCLA at 19. On her blog and Facebook page she lists herself as a bicycle mechanic, which, in fact, she she is. (the only woman mechanic at the UCLA Bike Exchange) Ms S is heading for Copenhagen to spend a year at the Urban Design School, when she finishes in Denmark, she'll have her degree and then graduate school. She can do anything she sets her sights on. She has already biked for 4 weeks in Europe and worked on an organic farm in Tuscany. She routinely bikes Centuries in under 8 hours. At her age I was lucky to get to Maple Lake and back.

Dory, the sleepy boy, the baby. Inquisitive, good with tools, voracious reader and fisherman. A few years ago, I asked him what he wanted for Christmas, he said, "a tool belt". I got him a set of Stanley Tools for kids. He can discuss anything from Elephant Seals and their mating habits, race car aerodynamics (ask Mike Griffin, former owner of the Panther Indy Car team) to micro climates. And he is a damn good cook. Cakes and I are taking him to Westport for a week next month. He and gramps are going to cook, fish, beach comb, ride our bikes, build fires at night and read, read, read.

If children are the future, these three will be big contributors. We need to help them as much as we can and leave them something to work with, like clean and abundant water, clean air and sustainable resources. They are our legacy and we owe it to them.

In a future post, you'll meet Grace Dickson, my NYU granddaughter. She is a force of nature.

Jan, (the Cakes) my wife has no blood in this, but you'd never know it. She loves these kids beyond recall and would throw down her life for them!

Everytime I get down, angry or pissed off at the world, I realize how fortunate I am.