A nice girl in prison...Orange is the New Black in real life...

Cakes and I have been binging on Orange is the New Black, I know we're late to the party, but what the hell.

Years ago, I met a woman, a bartender at a quiet little cocktail lounge, she was smart, quick witted and funny as hell. Tall blonde with a bit of a hard edge to her that was a little off setting. She made a good drink, always had a smile and broached no shit from anybody. I liked her and after awhile she liked me. We got to know each other and over time she told me her story. Her name is JW.

JW came from  a well to do family, she said she was the rebellious child, the middle child of three. She started drinking in the 9th grade and liked it, a lot. She and her friends drank everyday, some how they kept their grades up and never had a hint of trouble, "Shit, I was a better driver when I was drinking than I was sober" she said. She smoked some weed, "I didn't like how it made me feel,too laid back. Booze, vodka made me feel, aggressive, made me feel pretty and smart. By the time I was a senior in high school, I was a high functioning alcoholic and damned proud of it."

JW went off to college, a good one and was a Dean's List student, high functioning indeed. "I'd ace a test in the morning and be shitfaced by three in the afternoon. Life was good, know what I mean?"

When JW was a senior, she was living in an apartment with another hard drinking friend and the friend's boyfriend. "I didn't have a guy in my life, I was too busy studying and drinking everyday, I was looking forward to graduating, getting into law school and becoming a big time attorney, of course I was also thinking of all the cocktail parties and high end bars I could hang out in after work, I pictured myself as the hard working, hard partying, witty, sharp ass kicking lawyer."

Just before spring break of her senior year, she and her roomie were thinking about what they'd do on break, they decided an island in the Caribbean was just the ticket, A week in the sun, on the beach, tropical drinks. They had a pile of brochures, they picked St. Bart's. "I had about a grand in my checking account and a tapped out Visa my dad gave me, it wasn't enough money for a dream spring break in a place like St. Bart's"

Over a 5gth of Stoly they decided to solve their financial problem by robbing a bank. The roommate and the boyfriend were all in on the idea. "What we knew about robbing a bank, we'd learned from watching TV and movies, which was nothing, we didn't have a clue. But we got it done, walked in, the boyfriend flashed a hand gun, my roomie and I cleaned out the tellers and we split,, hopped into the boyfriend's Chevelle and we took off. Driving away we saw cop cars, lights flashing all going in the opposite direction. Three days later we were relaxing in a 5 star hotel in on the beach in St. Bart's. We didn't have records, we didn't know any criminals and the cops, even the FBI had any idea who had robbed the bank. Our break was two weeks, My roommate's boyfriend left after 4 days, they'd gotten into a fight, that and he was guilt ridden and scared as hell."

"The boyfriend went home, told his parents and they hauled his ass down to the FBI, the little shit rolled over on us. We had 27,000 dollars in cash left, My roommate and I split it, I took off for the Bahamas, she went home. I rented a little apartment and got a job mixing drinks in a beach front bar in Freeport. Of course my roommate confessed and in a month my face was on wanted pesters. I didn't give a shit, I was having fun selling drinks, getting tan nd having a hell of a good time. My family was losing their minds and that bothered me, but I stayed just drunk enough to not let it get to me."

"I was working one day, and a guy in a suit and wingtips showed up at the bar, ordered a coke, drank it and arrested me for bank robbery. After a nice airplane ride in handcuffs I was in jail, then in court and my dad hired an attorney who did a plea deal and got me a reduced sentenced, 3 to 5 years in the Federal Corrections Facility for Women in Concord, CA. After I'm processed, tested, poked and prodded I'm assigned to a cell. You have any idea who my cellmate turns out to be?"

"No idea."

"Squeaky Fromme from the Manson gang. I mean I'm a convicted bank robber, but Squeaky is a fucking murderer. Know what else? Squeaky had fans, they wrote to her all the time. God she was weird, we shared a cell for almost a year and I don't thinks she said more than 5 words to me in all that time. She was famous and I was just some shitty little bank robber, know what I mean?"

"Damn."

"Damn is right, I didn't sleep a wink for the first month or so, I kept thinking she was going to kill me in my sleep, I never wanted a nice vodka on ice more in my life. After awhile I just ignored her, she read her letters and dreamed about Charlie I guess and I worked in the laundry and took a couple of classes, I even taught a couple of the girls how to read and helped them with letters and shit. I'll tell you something, in prison, if you don't stay busy, you go nuts in short order."

JW got me another drink and continued, "You know who my neighbor across the hall was?"

"No idea."

"Sara Jane Moore."

"The woman who tried to assassinate President Ford?"

"The very same. She and Squeaky both tried to assassinate Ford, but everybody loved Sara Jane, nobody liked Lynette."

"Lynette?"

"That was Squeaky's name, Lynette. They both tried to kill President Ford and they didn't know each other."

"Why did everybody love her?"

"She was the ultimate jail house lawyer, she knew the rules better than the warden, she knew them better than Prison Administrators in Washington did and she held their feet to the fire"

'How so?"

"We were supposed to get a certain amount of vegetables a day, Sara Jane got a scale, weighed the portions and got us more, peas, corn, beans and shit. She got us more socks and underwear, she got us sweat suits, better medical care Sara Jane was our advocate, she made our lives better."

JW spent 36 months in prison, when I met her she was on parole, I asked her how could she work in bar when she was on parole. "I told my parole officer, it's the only fucking thing I know how to do and I can make a decent living at it and finish school at the same time. And watching assholes get hammered night after night keeps from drinking again."

I know JW graduated, shortly after graduation she disappeared, I'll bet she's made something of herself. Meeting people like JW has made my life more interesting and much richer in so many ways.

I'd like to sit down with JW again and find out how she's doing.