That Job is Child's Play

I was the first of my friends to learn how to drive. As soon as my legs were long enough to reach the pedals, I was driving on Grandpa's farm. I think I was 9 years old. I thought it was the greatest thing to ever happen and all my friends were jealous as hell. What I didn't know was I was being taught to drive so I could actually work on the farm. I started working the next year. While my friends were at the swimming pool, playing ball, at a matinee or hanging around Widman's Candy store. I was mowing ditches, cleaning, granaries or hauling wheat, barley and flax in a big old farm truck. It was always hot, dirty work and I have memories of shoveling grain with a huge grain scoop and crying, the tears making tracks down my dirty face.

My dad was an asshole, we were the last family to get a power mower. Why? Because the old man said he didn't need one, he had me. I'd struggle through our 1/2 acre of thick, heavy grass, pissed and angry.

I was running boats at our lake cabin when I was 7 or 8 years old in exchange for the maritime activity I had to do the yard work, maintain the dock and the beach. My other grandfather insisted on perfection, I had to deliver or I had to relinquish my captaincy.

I worked as a busboy, you think all busboys do is pick up the dishes and wipe the tables? Think again, I cleaned the back kitchen, trimmed meat, made hamburger, mashed potatoes, cooked vegetables and made salads. I was also the caterer, I hauled tables, chairs, crates of dishes and silverware. Did the set up and then brought the food and helped serve it. When it was over, I hauled all of the shit back to the restaurant, cleaned it and put it away. I also did janitorial work, to this day I can run a buffer with the best of them.

Hauling grain in a big truck as a child opened the door to hauling farm implements on a huge flatbed truck, which lead to taking the bus to Saginaw Michigan and picking up specialty trucks and delivering them. Imagine a 17 year old driving a big truck with another one piggy-backed on the back, from Saginaw to Grand Forks. I pocketed the expense money and slept in the truck, bought a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and fed myself on the road. It was a trip of 867 miles each way. I left Saginaw at noon, slept for a few hours alongside Highway 2 and was home the next morning.

I used to pick up one way rentals for National Car Rental when I was in high school. When school was out in the afternoon, I'd pick up the paperwork, take the expense money and hitchhike to where ever the car was located. My record? Left Grand Forks at 3pm, hitchhiked to Minot, picked up the car and arrived home in time to meet my girlfriend at a school dance at a quarter to ten. A 420 mile round trip in 6 hours and 45 minutes including dropping the car off, changing my clothes at home after a quick shower. At the Kegs later that night a pal of mine said, "Didn't see you after school, where were you?" I just looked at my girlfriend and smiled. Interesting isn't it, at 16 I wasn't old enough to rent a car, but I could pick them up and drive them hundreds of miles.

A friend of the old man owned a farm implement dealership, one summer I used to drive down to a rail siding and pick up swathers, balers, plows, combine pickups, combines and tractors. I'd haul them back to the dealership and assemble them. All that play with erector sets came in handy. I think I could still put together a New Holland self propelled baler or a Case combine with a Melroe pick up to this day.

I pretty much hated all those jobs when I was a kid, but looking back on them, I learned a lot about the nature of work, met every kind of person imaginable and achieved a level of self reliance today's kids don't get a shot at.

Dating and Kidz

                           The 4 Seasons Pool and Spa, Westlake Village, California.

I have a friend who lost his wife of many years to pancreatic cancer 2 years ago. Shortly after his wife died he had a by pass operation, basically he's had a couple of bad years. He is finally rounding into shape and has accepted his new life.

About 6 months ago he was driving up to Pebble Beach, got to Santa Barbara and turned around because he didn't want to go by himself. He decided to start dating again. He is now 6 months into it. He sat in my office yesterday, relaxed and tan and said "Damn, these woman have too much baggage. I offered to take a woman to the 4 Seasons Spa for lunch and whatever treatments she wanted. Whether she just wanted to lay in the sun, get a massage, a facial, what ever I didn't care." She said, " What would we do?" He told her, "What ever you want to do, I'm going to sit in the sun and take a swim, have a drink, eat lunch, you do whatever you want." She couldn't decide, so he went by himself.

My pal has a place in Pebble Beach, he offered another woman a weekend there. My pal said she asked "Would I have my own room?" He said "Hell yes, the only woman I ever slept with was my poor wife and we started dating when we were in high school, I wouldn't know what to do with another woman at this point, maybe down the road but not now. I just want somebody to hang out with." That woman was disappointed and said, "Don't you find me attractive?" Pissed at this point, he said "You have a nice face and legs, I haven't seen the rest of you yet so I have no idea."

Needless to say, his new life is not going the way he envisioned it. If anyone knows any nice, attractive, healthy, stable, 55 plus women looking for a good date with zero strings, I'll let my buddy know. He is an old bastard, ex-corporate executive, smart, fun and crusty. He drives a Cadillac CTS-V wagon and a C-6 Corvette and owns a house and two resort properties. The old bastard will probably be the best date they've ever had!

My Insurance Agent is a single Mom. Her ex is an asshole who has wiped his hands of their son. The kid is a smart, good looking little dude. He is a sophomore in high school. His girlfriend is a baby Salma Hayek. She came home after work a few days ago and found 6 fresh used Trojans in the wastebasket in her kids bedroom. She told me about it and asked what I'd do if he was my kid, I told her, "I'd congratulate him, first on his taste in girlfriends and then on his use of condoms!" She was shocked. I said, "Tanya, he is fifteen, he's crossed the line into to having hot monkey sex, who the hell is ever going to stop him? Just tell him to keep on being very careful." I walked away thinking, "6 times in a day, wow that's so far in my past I can barely run the video in  my head anymore!"

I'm going to bed. Wow, 6 times! Wonder if The Cakes is awake?

Working with Kids at DRIVE!

I had an interesting experience today with one of our students. In our Defensive Driving Course there is a segment on impaired driving. The simulator reacts slowly or over reacts to driver input and it is as close to driving while drunk as you can get without being loaded.

This young girl is a high achiever, she wins in everything. She was struggling with the lesson, getting frustrated. On the driving simulator, if you crash or make a serious violation you have to go back and start over. Her frustration level built to the point where she started to cry. I pulled her off the machine and told her to calm down. I told her, she was in a situation where there is no winning or losing. Its specialized training and the lesson was designed and programmed to teach her the futility of attempting to drive while impaired not to teach her a way to do it successfully.

Her frustration with driving is she can't be the best right now. We went back and forth on her frustration, I finally asked her how long she had been playing the violin? 11 years was her answer. I asked how much time she had behind the wheel or in training? Her answer was about 20 hours. Okay, how well could you play the violin after 20 hours? She lightened up and said, "Not very well." I asked, did you know how to hold the violin? "Uh huh." I continued, could you make it through a simple song? "Uh huh." I continued in this vain for awhile and she finally brightened. "You mean, I just need to practice more, right?" Right!

Another student is headed to Barnard this fall. She has been hesitant to even start driving. This is another high achiever who know she needs to get her driver's license. She's been doing really well and is now even better once we set a lofty goal for her. It's pretty simple, too. She is going to drive well enough that her Dad will let her drive his Porsche 911, something her Mom doesn't get to do.

Something I've learned about these kids is a one size fits all approach doesn't work. Each one is an individual and we do our best to customize and personalize our work with them. We get a big technology assist from the simulators and the sims tell us about the student's strengths and weaknesses, but if we don't spend some time with them, we can't know how to put all the information into practice and we can't find the key into making them into safe, confident drivers.

The boys on the other hand don't have the focus the young women do and honest to god, they act and look so much younger. But, there is something about the way the VDI programs are written and structured that challenges them. Once they learn it's not a video game and they can't force the sim to do what they think it should do...they just give up and go with it.  Once they hit that point they score as well or better than the girls do.

We have one somewhat shy, big tall kid who after about the 4th lesson on the simulator stopped over thinking everything and now is racking up scores on the 25 minute assessment drives that haven't dropped lower than a 96 out of a possible 100 for the past 6 lessons. He really thinks he is hot.

This is a very satisfying thing to do. We have now driving behind the wheel a young man who has had 17 operations. He has no use of his right arm (he was born right handed) and minimal use of his right leg, he can walk but he can't use an accelerator or a brake. We found a portable left foot gas pedal, put an old fashioned "necker knob" on the car and he is driving and really doing well. He will soon be taking his test and he'll have a license to drive. He was determined to get it, his family didn't think he could nor did his therapist. He told me the other day, "I'll be free, I can get to school on my own, go where ever the hell I want, even if there is no bus to get there on."

To me, that kid is living proof people can damn near do anything if they put their mind to it. We taught him how to drive, but he did the work!

Tea Bag Hypocrites and Life with the Romneys

This kind of looks like one of those cheesy Thomas (The painter of Light) Kinkcaid paintings, doesn't it? I'll attempt to keep you updated on the court proceedings between his mistress and his estranged wife as they battle over his estate. Thomas had a habit of chasing valium with booze and it finally caught up with him. Broke the hearts of tens of thousands of "art lovers" in towns big and small all across Amurika.

This is really a shot of the wildfires in Colorado. Colorado Congressmen: Rep. Scott Tipton (R -3d CD), Rep. Cory Gardner (R-4th CD), Rep, Mike Coffman (R-6th CD). Tea Baggers all, voted for the Paul (Hey, let's gut America, just for the hell of it) Ryan Budget in congress. Which would slash federal programs that help states deal with disasters like this. The three of them are now begging the federal government for cash (?) and help in fighting the fires. Hey guys, maybe if enough of your constituents homes burn down, their cattle get barbecued and they experience mudslides after the next rain, they'll wise up and not vote for asshats like you.

On to my former Governor Mitt Romney.

This is Mitt Romney, he is the presumptive Republican nominee for President. Mitt has been speaking about a bunch of things lately. First he got in an argument with actual teachers in Philly over class size, Mitt tossed out some BS that class size doesn't matter, of course the teachers handed Mitt his ass and he split. Mitt had said classes should be around 40 students! Great press op Mitt!

These guys, Mitt's 5 boys, went to a prep school that advertises that "all classes have 12 or fewer students".

The young Romneys, all "successful young business men" were given a little help by their Dad. So they could get started in life....$100,000,000 worth of help. Eldest son, Tagg got another $10,000,000 from his daddy. Mitt also handed him his Rolodex and got his old partners from Bain to toss in more millions. Tagg started his own venture fund and guess what? He invested in a solar company partially backed with federal funding. That runs in the family, when Tagg's dad "saved" the Winter Olympics after the crooked "businessmen" in Salt Lake looted the games and got indicted. Mitt swooped in and saved the day with 2 billion in federal funds.

Take a look at this picture. Not one of these people will EVER have to worry about paying the electric bill, worry about the price of gas, how to wrangle a business loan, pay for health insurance or go a day in their lives just a little hungry. Of course they completely understand how America works. For them! You can project this scenario for generations into the future. As nice as they all look, clean cut, happy, all American....they don't have a clue. Mitt and Ann suffered as a young married couple in college, they had to live off the stock Mitt's Dad gave him.

Mitt has produced his own Mormon Stake, think what he could have done if polygamy hadn't been outlawed and his grandpa wouldn't have had to move to Mexico so he could hang onto all those sister wives.

Mitt has a habit of saying "Obama spent too much time at Harvard". Mitt went to school at Harvard longer than the president did and he sent all 5 of his sons there.

Later...

Thinking about Karting and my short career as a winning driver.

What's with all my automotive posts anyway? I love cars, I was raised in a car dealership and I now own a driving school, plus given the choice I'd drive to Boston from LA rather than fly.

I follow Formula 1, Indycar, DTM and NASCAR racing. I'll get up at 4 o'clock in the morning to watch a Formula 1 race live on Speed. (I don't follow the races around the country and if I had a motorhome I wouldn't drive to Talledega for a race and get caught on YouTube pissing off the roof or anything like that. I did suggest, to my wife that if she wanted to go to England, it would be nice if we scheduled the trip around the Goodwood Festival of  Speed.) 

There is one thing that all successful modern drivers have in common, from Jimmy Johnson to Lewis Hamilton, no matter what they are racing now they started in karts.
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This is the very first Go Kart, built in 1956, powered by a small West Bend 2 stroke engine. Note the hand brake.

This is what the early Kart races looked like:

I remember these races well because I raced in them, the engine in my first Kart had 21/2 horsepower and I thought it was a rocket ship. The first summer I raced against adults and a few other kids, I was 11 years old. I won more than I lost. Over the winter my Dad and I built a new Fox with a 9 hp West Bend 2 stroke. We tested it in March and yes it was much faster. Because at 12 I weighed half as much as the adults I raced against, they'd yell at me all the time, then as it is today, light is faster! The new Fox was fast, but I wanted  a faster cart. I sold the 3 month old Fox and built (I was now a much better kart mechanic than the old man) another new Fox with a live rear axle and twin West Bends. I bought 2 new 9hp engines, had a machine shop port and relieve them, added tuned exhaust and highly modified diaphragm carburetors. According to the manuals and tuning magazines I read and re-read the little engines were now putting out about 11hp each. The Kart was a monster and I won a lot of races on a regional level in the Midwest. I figured in a few years I'd be racing at Indy or joining Dan Gurney at All American Racers. A kid can dream, right?

Off the track, I drag raced a 409 Chevy Super Sport from a rolling start and murdered him. One night at midnight, a couple of friends of mine and I loaded the kart into my Mom's station wagon (no driver's licenses yet) drove it out to 32nd Ave South and Belmont Rd. I fired it up and drove it back down Belmont to our house at 816 and straight into the garage. Imagine a quiet summer night and you hear two screaming chainsaws flying by your house at 80mph. Cops were everywhere searching, my friends and I were sitting on the front porch watching them and laughing. Never got caught.

I built a "chain gang" by adding a third engine to my kart, when you could get the engines in synch it was unreal. I remember practicing and trying to adjust the carbs while negotiating the track, too much trouble to try to keep it running. I raced it at Brainerd Speedway, won the pole and couldn't finish the race. In frustration I had pitted and took the chain off the middle engine, then pushed the kart so hard the right hand engine blew a rod. I still have the dent in my right elbow where a chunk of aluminum from the engine tore through my jacket.

My karting career ended with my Dad's first heart attack, he was on his back for a long time and there was no money for racing or much of anything for awhile. I learned a lot while karting, I got handy with tools, got a good grasp of how things work and best of all it made me a much better, safer and defensive driver.

Here is what a modern racing Kart looks like, the 2012 Lotus powered by a Rotax snow machine engine.

Carbon fiber, adjustable suspension, disc brakes and with certain engine and transmission combinations speeds to over 150mph. Damn I'd love to drive one!